MF’s guide to sexting


MF’s very personal trainer Alix Fox answers your questions about sex and relationships

Alix Fox
22 Nov 2012

Your question
‘I’d love to send naughty texts to the girl I’ve recently started dating, but how can I send her sexy messages without sounding cheesy or pushy?’
Jack, via email
Alix’s answer
Erotic messages can be a massive turn-on - they create spicy sexual tension and show a guy has imagination and self-assurance. I’ve consulted some of the leading female erotic writers to compile the following tips for writing messages that’ll have your girl hot and bothered in no time.  

1. Kay Jaybee’s Making Him Wait, is a story in which graphic sexts play a major role. ‘Texts are a brilliant way of making your suggestive thoughts known, but you must start gently,’ she says. Test the water before you dive-bomb into the deep end.

2. Lily Harlem, co-author of paperback That Filthy Book, says, ‘Spontaneity is priceless. Catch her off-guard, and send her a saucy, intimate text at a time when you know she'll be otherwise engaged to bring her thoughts straight back to you and a flutter of excitement to her stomach.’ However, don’t take it as a snub if she doesn’t reply straight away – she might be having a cup of tea with her mum.
3. K D Grace is the author of steamy novels An Executive Decision and Riding the Ether. ‘If you want good text-based foreplay, reference personal details about us in your messages so we know you’re sincerely thinking about us, rather than just being generally sleazy,’ says Grace. Including personal details is also a great way of subtly letting her know what she’s done before that you’ve liked, making a repeat performance more likely.
4. Sophie Morgan, the novelist behind the Sunday Times bestseller The Diary of a Submissive advises you ‘shouldn’t assume, post-50 Shades of Grey, every woman is into domination and S&M. As with all the best sex, clear communication is key. If you want to try being dominant, start with small hints and read her reactions carefully; that way you can figure out if she enjoys the idea of being controlled before you get power-crazy with your demands.’
5. Finally, there are exceptions to every rule, but I don’t know a single female who finds the words ‘penis’ or ‘vagina’ sexy as they sound too clinical. If you’re not sure of your lady’s preferences when it comes to sexual terminology, try asking her in a way that makes it a playful part of the exchange, for example: ‘I love your pretty X…or does it turn you on more when I call it X? I want to hear you tell me what you love best.’
Fit kit
I’ve just discovered French lingerie brand Maison Close, available in the UK at Naughty Knickers. The fabrics are sensationally tactile and the designs are daringly different. It’s my new favourite brand and I recommend checking them out if you want to treat your missus (and yourself) to something stunning.
Also, if you enjoyed my last column, you might be intrigued to know that Lovehoney have worked with author E L James to create a range of exclusive toys inspired by 50 Shades - available for pre-order now.

Got a question for Alix? Email her at

Journalist, presenter and sex educator Alix Fox specialises in articles on sexual exploration, liberation and fetish, and is an ambassador for TheyFit tailor-made custom condoms. Men’s Fitness readers can get 15% off all TheyFitpurchases when they enter the code ALIX at the checkout.

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